Insurance fraud humour, circa 1923 ........

The insurance adjuster who had been investigating a fire:

"I came here to find out the cause of the fire, and I have done so," he remarked. 

"That's what I want to know. What caused it?" asked the owner. 

"It's a plain case of friction." 

"What do you mean, friction?" 

"The fire was undoubtedly caused by rubbing a three-thousand-dollar policy on a two-thousand-dollar house." (Canadian Insurance October 2005)

Where Did That Tree Come From?......and Other Likely Stories

The following are actual statements found on insurance forms in which drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest possible words. We don't know if the insurers were amused or not, but we were.

• Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
• The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intention.
• I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
• I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
• A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face.
• The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.
• I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.
• In an attempt to kill a fly I drove into a telephone pole.
• I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
• I had been driving for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
• I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
• As I approached an intersection a sign suddenly appeared in place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
• To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I struck a pedestrian.
• My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
• An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my car and vanished.
• I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat found that I had a fractured skull.
• I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
• The pedestrian had no idea which way to run as I ran over him.
• I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
• The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
• I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
• The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when I struck the front end.

That Danged New Math

And then there was the one about the man in Boston who claimed to his insurer, Fitchburg Mutual Insurance Company, that his 25-foot power boat had been stolen from a locked garage. Upon investigation, reveals the Insurance Fraud Bureau of Massachusetts, it was determined that the garage measured just 19 feet long!

(For the record, he received probation for one year and was ordered to pay $500 in court costs. Another subject in this case had previously pleaded guilty to insurance fraud charges.)

No Sign of Stopping

Tania Ensor, risk manager for a non-profit organization, e-mailed this one to us:

An individual with our organization called in to report an automobile claim. The auto accident, which took place in a shopping plaza parking lot, happened when the driver of the other vehicle rammed into our vehicle. When questioned, the driver of the other vehicle was quoted as saying: "I was looking for the stop sign when I hit you."

Doggone It!

Broker Earle Lepofsky, of Downsview, Ont., shared this gem in the May, 1992, issue of Canadian Insurance magazine:

I've been in the business for 25 years, but have never seen anything like this one: a Great Dane swallowed a pair of diamond stud earrings. The earrings, worth $1,500 to $2,000, were on the dresser in the bedroom, and the dog was in the room. Suddenly, the dog jumped up and swallowed them!

I was laughing when I reported it to the insurer, but it was a legitimate claim; the policy was all-risk. The woman's poor husband sifted through the dog's excrement for weeks, although the earrings were never found. The insurer paid the claim. This happened seven or eight years ago, and I still kid the client about it to this day.

Inquiring Minds Want Proof

This claim, reported by broker Larry Gregga of Regina, Sask., in the May, 1992, issue of Canadian Insurance, didn't hold water with the insurer:

One unusual claim we had concerned a power boat that had just been in the shop, at the insurance company's expense. No sooner had the boat been repaired when it became the subject of another claim.

Just after the owner picked up the boat, his son took it out on the road, hitched to the back of the car. He had to stop suddenly and the boat somehow lifted off the trailer and landed on top of the car, damaging both. Of course, the insurance company refused to believe the story of how it happened. But somehow, "The National Inquirer" in the United States got wind of it, and ran a story with a full-color photo. Only then was the claim accepted and paid for.

Fowl Play

You'll quack up over this claim, reported by broker Dale Smout of Simcoe, Ont., in the May, 1995, issue of Canadian Insurance magazine:

Our town, Simcoe, Ont., has a park system running through it that is inhabited by hundreds of ducks and geese. There are signs indicating: "Caution -- Duck Crossing." Not only do they waddle slowly across the road, but sometimes fly low over the bridges.

Anyway, we received a call one morning from a young woman: "I was driving through town and was hit by a low-flying duck -- it QUACKED my windshield." After I had assured the woman that it would be repaired, her next query was: "Can you tell me how much my deDUCKtible is?"

But They Had a Good Excuse

We went back to the 1938 edition of Canadian Insurance magazine for this explanation of why fire insurance executives of the day grew prematurely old: 

"At a village fire recently, only two men answered the call, and it was found that the other 12 members of the brigade roll had been dead for several years."

Long Live Sir Wilfred Laurier

Sir Wilfrid Laurier wasn't in any hurry to cash in on his life insurance policy, as he revealed in a 1913 speech at the Life Underwriters' Convention in Ottawa, as reported in Canadian Insurance, August 27, 1913. (Laurier had been Prime Minister until 1911.)

“....When I was young, I was in very delicate health. Thank the Lord, I have good health now. I was 30 before I could get an insurance on my life. I had applied to a company and they had refused me. I don't blame them for it. They refused till in 1878, when I was 36, the Sun Life consented to take the risk. They did so on the advice of Mr., now Sir, James Grant, who said I was good for 10 years only (laughter). But when once the ice was broken, then it was easy to get insured in any other company. The Sun would not take me on the whole life, but only on the 10-year plan. It still exists, and I have to die to get the money. But as evidence of how little I regard money, I have, in all these years, never fulfilled that requirement which would compel the company to pay."


Oh, Those Fun-Loving Actuaries!

Enough with the lawyer stories. This being an insurance site, we highlight another group – those wild and crazy actuaries.

• An actuary is a CPA who found CPA work too exciting.
• An actuary is one who, if you're drowning in a pond 20 feet offshore, will throw you an 11-foot rope and point out that he's meeting you MORE than halfway.
• An actuary with a personality is one that looks at your shoes rather than his own.
• Ask an actuary "what's 2 + 2?" Response: "What do you want it to be?"

Risky Business

Not your average insurance policies!

You can buy insurance to cover just about any kind of risk under the sun – and beyond! We've all heard of former movie star Betty Grable's insurance policy on her famous "million-dollar" legs, but here are some of the other unusual risks insured by the granddaddy of them all, Lloyd's of London.


Grainy Picture

A grain of rice with a portrait of the Queen and the Duke of Edinburgh engraved on it was insured at Lloyd's for $20,000.


A Monster of a Risk

Cutty Sark Whisky offered a one-million-pound prize to anyone who could capture the Loch Ness Monster alive. They guarded against loss by taking out a Lloyd's policy. More recently, Cutty Sark offered a one-million-pound prize to the person producing an authentic extra-terrestrial device, again insuring against loss at Lloyd's.


The Last Laugh

A comedy theatre group insured themselves against the risk of a member of their audience dying laughing.


A Matter of Taste

Food critic and gourmet Egon Ronay insured his taste buds for 250,000 pounds, while a whisky distiller insured his nose.


The "Boat" That Didn't Float

In 1901, the first car insured at Lloyd's was covered by a marine policy. Cars were such a novelty that specific policies did not yet exist, so the marine underwriter wrote a normal marine policy for the car on the basis that it was a ship navigating on dry land.

(Reprinted with permission of Lloyd's of London)